To Be Honest

To be completely honest right now, I didn't know what to say when I first started blogging. I don't even know what to say right now. Writing used to come so easily to me, but now I find my mind so clouded by stupidity that I can't seem to get out a simple sentence. I had all these dreams of writing books that would change people's lives, like Fitzgerald, Dickens, Cervantes, and Alighieri did. Now it just feels like I'm a failure because I didn't make like S. E. Hinton and write my first best selling novel at age 15. You go about your day hearing about all these successful people doing all these amazing things. For most people, those stories are inspiring and motivational. For me, however, those stories show me that the 1% of people who are actually successful in the world have been already decided for my generation and I should just throw in the towel now.
What is it about creative blocks that makes people so crazy? I don't get to write, so that means I should go bat-shit crazy on everyone, including myself? It's one of the most disheartening things in the world not to be able to practice one's craft. 99% of the population understands that, though, don't they?
I have this very strange outlook on life that drives me to firmly believe that a very small percentage of the world anywhere accomplishes the things they set out to do when they were young. I feel like I am to have all these expectations for myself, only to have them dashed. Many of us would be completely unable to recover from something like that. Will I?
That's the ultimate question asked by me, this blog, every action I've taken, etc. Will I write the "Great American Novel"? Will I change the world the way I hope to? Will I...?

You're finally getting what you want, and you think...is this it? So maybe everything you want for yourself isn't exactly what you need? NO. You just suck at thoroughly enjoying the moment. Instead of waiting for things to be the way you expect them, cherish how you feel at this moment in time. Life is not about waiting around, it is about action. It's all about LIVING. So live. Stop pretending and be real. Put everything on the table so there aren't misconceptions. It sounds so much like I'm saying these things and I don't know, but I do. If you hide things, slowly reveal them, you're just setting yourself up for rejection in the long run. Personally, I'd rather be rejected while I'm still prepared to be hurt.
Truth.

This is US

It feels so lame to think about now. I always wanted to go to all these amazing places. The outside world is just so interesting to me. Traveling is something that makes the world feel less huge and overwhelming. No matter where I go, I always seem to find someone that understands this feeling.
When I'm hanging out with my mom, we sometimes plan where our next trip is. The list of places we haven't been yet just keeps getting shorter; I love it. You'll always have to repeat the places the effected you the most. For me maybe: the sunset behind the glass pyramid at the Louvre, the view from the top of that volcano outside Santorini, the feeling of peace as I lay by the water in various Carribean islands, the view from the London eye, that sudden burst of inspiration I felt as I gazed at the Trevi fountain, the walk through centuries as I found myself atop the Great Wall of China. Those are just a few...I really think there have to be hundreds more.
The truth is, no matter where I go, I find myself taken aback by the feeling of familiarity. Although, I'm in a completely new place, I can't shake that feeling that still...as humans, we are so similar.

Writer's brain freeze

I keep trying to find some sort of sign or sudden burst of inspiration that will get me to finish one of these books. I start, and just a few chapters from the end...all I have to really do is tie everything together, i just freeze and I don't know what else I want to say.
It's not hard to imagine it in my head...or picture it happening, but it kind of sucks that I can't finish. I think I'm scared. The whole story could be a total bust, but if its amazing what then?
not that I think so highly of myself. s

The Great Gatsby: A Beacon of Hope

Some people may not feel this way, but movies affect me in an astounding way. The world is such an unexpected place, and one of the ways we come about understanding it, is through the films we watch. Although some films may not seem like they do, they bring us a certain self-realization. Whether we laugh or cry, understand or empathize with the characters in a film is completely up to us. This helps us face things about ourselves that we would have otherwise ignored.

My experiences with films have been many. If a story has really touched me, I seem to break into a fit of gut-wrenching sobs. It is as if the events have happened to me and not some obscure character. 

The Great Gatsby, by F. Scott Fitzgerald, happens to be one of my all time favorite books. At first I thought it was because of the whimsical nature of the characters. Daisy, with her almost sad air of loftiness, Jordan, with her cynical remarks and lavish lifestyle, Nick, with his blatant admiration for Gatsby and all that he stood for without knowing the details, or Gatsby, with his no-holds-barred fantastical love for Daisy, a woman he has not seen in years. I cannot choose which made me love the book most. You can see since I held this book so dear why I had my doubts about the movie version. No other movie version seemed to capture how I felt about this tragic love story. As I sat in the movie theater, I was in awe of just how much the movie made me feel. It wasn't about the love between Gatsby and Daisy, or Daisy's confusion, or Tom's general blehh. It was about how in a world where there was no true happiness, nothing deeper than a few drinks and music too loud to hear your thoughts, there was still the shining beacon of hope and faith that is Gatsby. 

:)

If it were up to you the risks you take, the lives you loved, and the people you kept would you cherish this power? If you were told that everything you have ever said could be recorded, every conversation you've ever had was taken down, and every enlightening moment archived, would you look back and smile at the person you've become?
Those moments that we realize the things we've always wanted aren't what we thought they'd be change everything. Life feels so much less than we thought it was. Then, out of nowhere, come these defining moments that we look at later and smile, laugh even. Where we realize that the cosmos are not out to get us, but lead us on our respective paths.

This is my enlightening thought of the day that I hope I remember forever. :)

Are you who you say you are?

We should take a lesson from our dear old Queen B, Miss Blair Waldorf. Through all her maniacal scheming and uncontrolled compulsions to meddle in things that do not concern her, she can teach us a very important lesson about love and loyalty: You never give up on the people you love. 
How many times have we called someone our best friend and abandoned them when they really needed us? No one would want to admit it, but we all know we've done it. I'm sorry if you out there believe I am a little too cynical for you, but I only see the things people really are. Most of us are so stuck in Kohlberg's Conventional stage of moral reasoning that we do not see how important it is to be there for the people you claim you love.
Well, that bears the question: do you really love those people that you've so vehemently claimed to love? That's something to think about.